Dear Dr. Hennessy:
If you and I had passed in the street last week, I certainly wouldn't have recognized you, and you probably wouldn't have taken notice of me either. We are stangers, you and I, but that doesn't stop you from sending me an annual letter updating me on the state of my alma mater and monthly pleas for donations to the Stanford Fund. To date my total contribution to the fund has been zero dollars and zero cents, but the letters keep on coming.
Do you remember me now, Dr. Hennessy? Whether you do or not, you're probably wondering why I'm getting in touch with you now. It's simple, really. Just a little free advice.
Do not spend another dime on the football program. At this point, it just wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. I know what you're thinking, Dr. Hennessy, and you're right -- the $90 million dollar stadium looked pretty impressive on TV. But trust me when I tell you this: it was a waste of money.
Let's take a look at how things are going so far. The season started with an understandable loss on the road to the University of Oregon, but then came the debacle at San Jose State. I mean, really, San Jose State? The loss was bad enough to inspire a lengthy diatribe on the internet, but I still held out hope that the next game against Navy would be different. It was only a service academy, afterall. I should've known better.
Things started out well, as the focus of the telecast was on the new stadium. (And by the way, if you were responsible for getting Bill Walsh and Jim Plunkett in the booth to keep things slanted in our direction, that was money well spent.) Over and over we were told about the closeness of the stands, the additional restrooms, the television monitors at the concession stands, and the extra scoreboard, all of which seemed to justify the hefty price tag, but all of that positive PR ran out only minutes into the opening quarter.
I'm not sure how much you follow college football, Dr. Hennessy, so out of respect for you, I'll go slowly. Your background is as an engineer, so you're probably looking for some data to sink your teeth into. Chew on this: In the first three games of the season, Stanford opponents have rushed for 298 yards, 351 yards, and 368 yards. This is absolutely preposterous. The Stanford defense ranks last in the nation in rushing defense, and it isn't even close. They sit comfortably in 119th place, a cool 76 yards per game worse than #118 Buffalo.
What exactly does this mean? When you can't stop your opponent from running the football, you can usually expect to lose. And when a team is as bad at stopping the run as this team has been, that news travels faster than a racy secret at a high school dance. We can expect to see more of the same from here on out.
Speaking of which, let's peek at the upcoming schedule. Sadly, I don't see too many potential Ws. Take a look: Washington State comes to the Farm next, and this is a game we had better win because if we don't, things will get ugly fast. After that matchup with the Cougars we head south for a sure loss to UCLA. A week later we fly to South Bend where we'll be beaten so badly that dental records will probably come into play.
After that there are only two possible wins, but I'm not feeling overly confident about either of them, home games against Arizona and Oregon State. With a certain loss at home to USC and almost certain defeats on the road to Arizona State, Washington, and Cal, the possibility of a winless season is looming. The best case scenario right now looks to be 3-9.
And for all of this, I blame Walt Harris. As convincing as this defeat was, there was a moment when the game could've swung in the opposite direction had Harris not decided to conduct a clinic on game mismanagement. Stanford trailed 10-0 when they mounted a drive in the closing minutes of the first half, moving the ball fairly quickly into Navy territory. With all three timeouts in hand, it appeared the Stanford offense would have an opportunity to put the ball into the end zone and head into halftime trailing by only three points. Instead, Harris chose not to use his first timeout until his squad arrived at the Navy nine-yard line with only nine seconds remaining in the half. He used his next two timeouts to set up a field goal, but it hardly mattered.
To be fair, A LOT went wrong in this game, and a lot has gone wrong for the Card all season long. One starting wideout (Mark Bradford) is likely out for the season, and the other (Evan Moore) missed most of Saturday's game. Fullback Nick Frank will never play again. And in Harris's defense, most of these players weren't even recruited by him.
The problem, though, starts and ends with him. He's about as interesting as the color beige. I try to imagine this man sitting in a recruit's living room, trying to convince a young man to spend his football eligibility toiling in futility, and I just can't. Walt Harris should be selling vacuums, not scholarships.
So if you've got the itch to commit any more of the university's money to the football program, think again. Don't pitch another penny in that direction until you do something about the man in charge.
Well, there is one thing, if you can't resist. For a mere $8.95 you can purchase the domain name FireWaltHarris.com. Believe it or not, it's available.
Sincerely, Hank Waddles, '91
Comments