Three Men and a Little Heisman

The travelling road show that is USC Football -- we'll call it Trojan-palooza -- swings through one of college football's erogenous zones this weekend, and the nation is buzzing. The game's greatest cross-regional rivalry will be renewed on Saturday as the Notre Dame Fighting Irish host the Trojans in South Bend, Indiana.

What we're supposed to believe is that USC's twenty-seven game winning streak is in jeopardy. We're supposed to believe that Notre Dame's #9 ranking is for real. We're supposed to believe that Coach Charlie Weiss has installed an offense that will shake down the thunder and befuddle the injury-riddled SC defense, allowing the Irish to keep up with SC's typically frenetic pace. In short, we're supposed to believe that the Irish can win this game.

Nonsense.

Excuse me for resorting to such a hackneyed gimmick, but are ten reasons why this absolutely won't happen.

10. USC's offense is absolutely ridiculous.
We know about the Big Three (see below if you don't), but what about wideouts Steve Smith and Dwayne Jarrett? This offense is as balanced as peanut butter and jelly, and just as delicious. Take a look at the total yardage numbers they've posted in the first five games of the season: Hawai'i, 518; Arkansas, 736; Oregon, 593; ASU, 631; Arizona, 724. They've average 52 points per game this year, and they'll top that on Saturday.

9. Notre Dame's offense isn't as good as advertised.
Sure, the Irish have put up some points, but don't fool yourself. Their toughest test yet, a flawed Michigan team, held the Irish to only seventeen points. The Trojan defense, even weakened as it is, is by far the best they've seen yet.

8. Brady Quinn ≠ Tom Brady.
Okay, we know that Weiss used to be the guy in charge of the New England Patriots' offense, but this isn't New England. They've looked good at times, but they've also been inconsistent at others. That won't fly on Saturday.

7. USC is ready to peak.
Believe it or not, the Trojans haven't played a solid game yet. They rolled Hawai'i and Arkansas, but those were glorified scrimmages. They've looked a bit rough around the edges in their last three conference games against Oregon, Arizona State, and Arizona. I'm guessing that they're ready to show how great they can be.

6. Did we mention this? 27 straight.
As ESPN reminds us every two or three hours, this team is chasing history, and they know it. They'll have no trouble focusing against the Irish.

5. USC gets no respect.
Let's see. SC has won twenty-seven in a row and they've been sitting in the top spot in the polls longer than your typical J-Lo marriage, but I'm claiming that they get no respect? Damn right. Last week people started touting Texas as the top team in the land, and you'll notice that in this week's rankings seven AP votes went to the Longhorns and four USA Today voters made the same mistake. But if that's not enough, SC's absorbing a bit of disrespect in their own backyard as some are wondering if the upstart Bruins might knock of the Trojans in their December 3rd matchup. Please.

4. Lendale White
I don't want to hear anything about any other running back in the country. You can take any guy you want, transfer him to USC right now, and he's #3 on the depth chart.

3. Reggie Bush
The lightning to White's thunder, Reggie Bush is the best player in the country. Aside from just being a great runner, he's also a receiving threat out of the backfield and an electric kick returner. He might not be 100% on Saturday, but he'll be close enough.

2. Matt Leinart
Imagine for a second that you're Matt Leinart. You wake up in the morning, have a bowl of Fruity Pebbles while checking out SportsCenter, then maybe get in a quick workout before class. While some guys are worrying about juggling PoliSci with Econ, you've got only one class -- ballroom dancing. So while you're dancing in class, doing your best to ignore the rugby match in the corner as dozens of desperate TriDelts fight for the right to join you in a waltz, you let your mind wander long enough to weigh the pros and cons of playing in Green Bay vs. Arizona. When you snap back to reality, you find the winning TriDelt (Steph? Christine?) asking if she can see your Heisman after class.

1. The Heisman
Once in a while there's a school with two Heisman candidates, and every generation or so a team will have three. The Trojans, believe it or not, actually have four. You know the Big Three, but punter Tom Malone even has a Heisman campaign. Let's see the Irish top that.